Saturday, March 22, 2014

Hard Stops

I've been learning the same lesson over and over the last few weeks, and I didn't realize it till just now when I sat down to write about it. It isn't that I'm not learning the lesson, or that the exact same lesson is on repeat. It's just that I I graduate to the next level. I make it through first grade, and move on to second grade.  Today was one of those graduation moments.

 Last week I shared a bit about learning to say "no". I've discovered that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to recognizing boundaries. It isn't that other people pressure me into doing things I don't have the stamina for--I pressure myself into projects and plans. At any given moment my mind is going on a half dozen different projects. I research, plan, organize, and execute as time and finances permit.  While the creative energy is wonderful, it has been a true weakness the past few weeks.

Not only do I have the normal creative energy, but I also feel an immense internal pressure to get everything done in the next eight(ish) weeks. I am at a point where most of my life is balanced. My little girl is increasingly more independent, verbal, and even helpful. I can do things now. I remember too well what the newborn stage was--and how long the postpartum recovery period lasted. I fear that if I don't get these projects done RIGHT AWAY they will never get done.

I forget that the addition of a new and beautiful member of the family won't change the woman I am. I may need to take a break, but the drive to create will be a part of me till my dying day (and, I firmly believe, beyond that. I am made in the image of a creative God, when I create it is part of my reflection of Him. The day I stop creating is not just the day I loose my identity--it is the day I stop reflecting my Savior).

That said, sometimes a reminder is needed and this is one of those times. It is time for a "hard stop." The kind of stop that says to God, "I trust you with all my dreams and projects. I trust you to carry me through the difficult, physically demanding stages of life. I receive with joy everything (even the rough postpartum period) you have given (and will give) me. Instead of worrying about what I will or won't accomplish in the next two months, I choose to rest and see to the immediate needs--the today needs--of my family and body."

Hard stops are hard. It's hard to choose rest when the mind wants anything but stillness. But God himself said, "Be still and know that I am God." In the frantic pace of life we can never simply sit quietly at His feet and appreciate God for who He is. So, for the next couple weeks my theme is, "Trust. Be still."

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