This is my second Mothers day. This time last year we announced my pregnancy when my husband bought me a corsage and I wore it to church on Mothers Day. Some people guessed as soon as they saw it. Most just wondered why I choose to wear one on Mothers day, even though I wasn't actually a mother. A few asked. The "slow reveal" was perfect, as I got to enjoy each person's reaction one by one. I still remember the shocked delight as I surprised each one of my siblings with the news.
I was even able to tell both sides of the family at the same time, because with some creative wheedling I'd managed to convince my unsuspecting parents that they really DID need to visit our church on Sunday (mom and dad are pretty involved with their own church, as we are with ours, so visits one way or the other are rare treats). It helped that we were doing our Easter play two weeks late--hence the Bible Costumes in the picture.
Of course, I didn't know that God would take that little one home just six weeks later, and my husband and I would be plunged into a fight for joy such as we'd never known before. It's a good thing we don't know the future.
Now it is Mothers Day again. Instead of waiting on pins and needles for the day to arrive when I can make my announcement, my pregnancy this year is already quite evident to the world. No one will wonder this year whether I "really am" a mother. The next baby announcement coming up for our family is the birth of our little one--and I certainly hope that announcement WON'T be made today!!
All the same, ever since the sonogram three weeks ago Christian, my first baby, has been on my mind constantly. I realized that day, yet again, that a mama's heart never truly stops missing her little ones. We can move on, we can trust God, we can have faith--but the longing ache is never fully gone.
This Mothers Day has definitely been a different experience. I'm a mama, and not exactly a new one. At least, not as new a mama as I was last year. It's a happy day again--one full of joyful expectation. But there also is sorrow as I remember the baby I lost along with the baby that has been given. But that's what being a mother is--it's bitter sweet.
Always bitter sweet.