Monday, April 23, 2012

Grace in the hard times

I didn't write out my list day by day this week, and as I sit down to put a weeks worth of joys to paper I'm pretty foggy. This has been the most intense week I've had in awhile, both physically and emotionally.

Physically the pregnancy is catching up with me. I have to pace myself in a way I haven't needed to before. It isn't that I can't do things anymore, it's that I can't do everything anymore. I have to prioritize. If the priority is getting out of the house and doing grocery shopping, or family visiting, or my registry--well, I can do that. But I can't do that and all the days housework.

Slowing down is a really difficult lesson for me to learn (haven't gotten it down yet!) and I spent multiple days last week physically "flattened" as I was forced to stop and take nearly an entire day to rest because I'd overdone it the day before.

Emotionally this week has been all over the map. In less than a day I've plunged from fresh, heavy grief over my lost baby, to rejoicing with my sister over her newly born little one.

I've gone from dealing (poorly) with difficult people, to realizing that those very same attitudes that I'd been judging in their lives are ones I need to repent of in my own heart. (surprise, surprise....)

I got together with some close friends to plan a welcoming shower for my baby--and the next day went to work for the last time and said my final farewells.

It hasn't been a bad week, but its been a crazy hard week. Next week I'm going with both sides of the family to a conference. It will also be a change of pace, and I'm looking forward to that (although I'm not looking forward to being away from my hubby for so many days... ). It will still be intense, but I think I need the time "off." It will be good.

Counting the Grace Gifts from this week:

428. The unique sound that 5 birthing balls make as 5 women practice birthing positions.
429. A little mouse on a cheese tray
430. Time with an old friend, planning a shower
431. Putting my feet up--even for just 20 minutes

432. Cleaning out Richard's office (whoo-hoo!)
433. Final farewells to the family I've been a nanny to for years now. (sweet sorrow)
434. Richard, with me for my midwife appointment (for the second time ever! Hurray!)
435. Laughter with my midwife over some fears I'd had (and the exhortation not to self-diagnose with google anymore...)

436. Lunch with my MIL and SIL after our midwife appointments (the last day SIL and I are pregnant together)
437. Going out to Buy Buy Baby with them and dreaming over baby things
438. An invitation to a sonogram
439. Facing my fears
440. Seeing Timothy kicking and well

441. Grieving my little one, realizing that grief isn't something a person "gets over" it's just a part of remembering joy.
442. My husband, holding me
443. The news--my nephew Timothy is born, 8:25am, 10 lbs, 4 oz, and mama was doing fantastic after just 4 hours of active labor!
444. Holding the newest addition to the family (and realizing how big 10 lbs is in a newborn!)
445. Repentance tears

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