Thursday, October 27, 2011


A couple weeks ago I was reminded by Holly that the month of October is

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

That's not very hard.

The past couple months have been full ones for me. The blog has been quieter than it ever has been this year, and it's because in the last few months I've dealt with just about every major life change there is.



As much as it has been to process, I haven't ever forgotten about my little one.  I couldn't ever forget about him.

It was four months ago that my little one, my first, our Christian William, went home to be with Jesus. It was completely unexpected--but these things always are, I suppose. It still amazes me how much love two parents can have in their heart for a child they never met.

I think about him every day.

There are a couple things I have done to remember my little one...

The first was to make a baby box. It isn't much, really. So little that I keep it in the top drawer of my jewelry box. There are a couple of my positive pregnancy tests (though I didn't keep all 7!! *smiles*). A heart charm. And a fortune cookie insert that says Alto Sax (when I was married my aunt gave me a gift bag with a dozen fortune cookies "re-stuffed" with the names of various musical instruments. She told me she expected me to have a lot of children who were all musical, and to avoid redundant instruments all I had to do was open a fortune cookie with each pregnancy to find out which musical instrument that child needed to learn. Christian, apparently, would have played Alto Sax.)

Perhaps the thing that has helped the most in remembering my Christian was a gift from my husband and a dear friend who also lost her first. It is a remembrance bracelet by La Belle Dame. The bracelet itself is made of alternating beads of Blue Lace Agate and Rose Quartz, because it was too early for us to know for sure whether we were having a boy or a girl. There are three Forget Me Not flowers, and on either side of each flower is a gemstone--one for the month of conception (diamond), one for the month of the loss (pearl), and one for the month he would have been due (garnet). I rarely leave the house without this bracelet on.

The grieving process has been difficult, but the Lord has been with us through it all--and He has blessed us with family and friends who have helped tremendously.

For those of you who have little ones with Jesus, did you do anything this month to remember them? If so, I'd love to hear about it.


  1. Oh dear Sophie, I am so glad you have made a memory box. Every little piece of your angel's life is special...and perfect for remembering. And that bracelet...gorgeous.
    <3 to your sweet Christian. And thank you for your prayers for me and my Jonathan...prayers for you as well!

  2. I lost my first as well. We named the baby "Hope", because I wasn't allowed to get pregnant for another year (rare type of miscarriage). We weren't sure if I would ever be able to get pregnant again. But we always had Hope. My husband bought me a stuffed puppy that we also named Hope to remind us of our baby. The kids (3! God has blessed!) play with Hope and frequently talk about their older brother or sister. It is a special thing for all of us!

  3. Thank you, Holly. It helped so much with the grieving process to have a few tangible things to remember him by. Your prayers are appreciated.

    DayeByDaye, that is such a beautiful thing! It's amazing how God can make beauty out of ashes. I love that your littles remember their older sibling. :-)