Yesterday I had a very "I really am married!" moment. Richard and I were at his family's house for a birthday party. I'd stepped outside to fetch something from the car, and as I walked out I remembered how I'd felt when I first started coming to this home several years ago. Richard and I were good friends then, but I barely knew his family. I was so impressed, though! I couldn't help falling in love with them, even though at the time I hadn't the slightest notion of ever ending my name with theirs.
I remember writing something to Richard to that effect, so I've spent some time trying to find that excerpt.
January 13th 2006
I've told you this before, I know, and I'll be telling you again, but Richard, I really do love coming over to your home and working. When I have a family, and children, and my own house, I want to model it (at least in part) after your home. I love what your parents have done. The atmosphere, the music, the spirit.... Everything.
Anyway, I always have some good time to think while I work, and your home is very conducive to that. It was the weirdest thing this afternoon. I was full of joy, even more than usual, and excitement, and just a lot of things as I was thinking, but at the very same moment I was incredibly sad. I kept thinking about time, and how quickly it passes. Christiana's first step, for one. She is walking now, but in a matter of years, she will be grown. She will have passed through girlhood and entered fully into womanhood, and perhaps even married. Just a few years, Richard. They will fly by so quickly.
Then Arthur... you know, I am going to be one of those old women to him that come up and pinch his cheek and tell him how cute he was when he was a boy, and how much he has grown, and how I used to know him when he was *this* big...
And then, there was a time when you were still very much a boy. And now I'm watching you mature into a fine young man.... and while at once I am incredibly happy for you, for all the adventures you are soon to enter into, yes, even marriage to the "most beautiful woman in the world" (and probably the only 'perfect' one in existence)... at the same time I am very sad about that, in a way I can't exactly put into words. It isn't that I would hold you back, nor that I would stop Christiana right where she is so that every day she is taking her 'first step', I would never want to do that. I would never want you to reach less than your full potential in Christ, and that means changes. But, though I wouldn't stop the changes, and am very excited and joyful that they are coming, at the same time it is almost... heartbreaking. In a way. There were times this afternoon when I couldn't decide whether to burst out into joyous song... or burst out into tears. Ultimately I did neither on the outside, but indulged liberally in both on the inside.