Monday, October 18, 2010

affection

I never want to become so confident of my husband's love that I no longer feel a need for his little publically given affections.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Delight

Yesterday I had a very "I really am married!" moment. Richard and I were at his family's house for a birthday party. I'd stepped outside to fetch something from the car, and as I walked out I remembered how I'd felt when I first started coming to this home several years ago. Richard and I were good friends then, but I barely knew his family. I was so impressed, though! I couldn't help falling in love with them, even though at the time I hadn't the slightest notion of ever ending my name with theirs.

I remember writing something to Richard to that effect, so I've spent some time trying to find that excerpt.


January 13th 2006
I've told you this before, I know, and I'll be telling you again, but Richard, I really do love coming over to your home and working. When I have a family, and children, and my own house, I want to model it (at least in part) after your home. I love what your parents have done. The atmosphere, the music, the spirit.... Everything. 

Anyway, I always have some good time to think while I work, and your home is very conducive to that. It was the weirdest thing this afternoon. I was full of joy, even more than usual, and excitement, and just a lot of things as I was thinking, but at the very same moment I was incredibly sad. I kept thinking about time, and how quickly it passes. Christiana's first step, for one. She is walking now, but in a matter of years, she will be grown. She will have passed through girlhood and entered fully into womanhood, and perhaps even married. Just a few years, Richard. They will fly by so quickly.

Then Arthur... you know, I am going to be one of those old women to him that come up and pinch his cheek and tell him how cute he was when he was a boy, and how much he has grown, and how I used to know him when he was *this* big... 

And then, there was a time when you were still very much a boy. And now I'm watching you mature into a fine young man.... and while at once I am incredibly happy for you, for all the adventures you are soon to enter into, yes, even marriage to the "most beautiful woman in the world" (and probably the only 'perfect' one in existence)... at the same time I am very sad about that, in a way I can't exactly put into words. It isn't that I would hold you back, nor that I would stop Christiana right where she is so that every day she is taking her 'first step', I would never want to do that. I would never want you to reach less than your full potential in Christ, and that means changes. But, though I wouldn't stop the changes, and am very excited and joyful that they are coming, at the same time it is almost... heartbreaking. In a way. There were times this afternoon when I couldn't decide whether to burst out into joyous song... or burst out into tears. Ultimately I did neither on the outside, but indulged liberally in both on the inside. 

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

God's Smuggler



This book by Brother Andrew falls soundly in the category of Christian Thriller. From the first page on it is a page turner and very difficult to put down (though I managed to for long. Enough to make my man dinner last night!).

God's Smuggler tells the life story of Brother Andrew. It starts when he is a young bor, and follows him through WW2 in his childhood, his youth as a godless soldier, his conversion as a young adult after a war injury, and his ensuing growth in Christ. Brother And. rew led a very exciting life, but the must exciting part of it is the challenge it poses to other Christians.He takes aa heart wrenching look at our brothers and sisters in Christ and challenges us to follow our savior in caring for them in our words, actions and prayers.

A few of my favorite quotes from the book:

"A group is the right size, I guess, when each member can pray every day for every other member, indivvvidually and by name, interceeding for his personal needs as well as for the success of a particular mission."

"Our obligation [...] is simply to forgiv, however hard, and not to concern ourselves with the outcome in another's life."


God's Smuggler is a challenging book, an enjoyable book, and one I will be revisiting again soon. But I don't want it to stop. With simple enjoyment-that was not the purpose. Instead the book is a call for action, and that is where the real adventure in seeing God work begins.

Monday, October 4, 2010

so normal, but so different

Today was my first day back at work. It was a good day-a quiet day-a normal day. It feels strange to go to work again. Even though I have settled very naturally into the married lifestyle,going to work reminds me of how recently I was single and it reminds me of how extreme the seemingly subtle changes have been. I still think like I was single, in some ways.

For example. Miss Inez has changed rooms. When I saw the new window my first thought was. "Great! It will be so much easier now to see mom when she comes to pick me up!" I forgot-not only does my car work now, but also my home is now with my husband, not my parents. Now he is the one who cares for my needs.

Another reminder came when I started thinking of the hour I have between jobs and how I was looking forward to going to the apartment in between. My phone had stopped working and I had a panic moment because I couldn't call My man before leaving. I had to remind myself that "the apartment" is now my HOME. There is no need for me to call ahead to be sure either he he was gone or had a chaperon with him. That is my home, we are married, and I have every right to be there at any time I like without asking permission of anyone.

It is a little strange-life is so normal right now, and yet so different.

Friday, October 1, 2010

The first week

Well, I have completed the first week at home. It has been absolutely delightful to be able to devote all the hours of my day to making a homey little nest for me and my man. I've been fairly successful, too, though I don't necessarily FEEL successful, if that makes sense.

I've done a ton of unpacking, but there is still unpacking left to be done. But there are still empty drawers (a few) so that isn't so bad.

I've made numerous runs to stores the past few days, Bed Bath and Beyond, Target, Walmart. I've fallen in love with those wonderful things called "gift cards" that are basically the same as money minus the guilt factor.

If you don't understand "guilt factor" when it comes to wedding money, let me 'splain. Cash can be spent any which way. If I have cash in my pocket I am constantly trying to spend it in the MOST EFFICENT manner--which means, regardless of how I ultimately choose to use it, there may have been a better way (or a greater need for our family). If I have a gift card there are limited uses for the money, therefore I can buy whatever I like without second guessing myself. Not that I don't LOVE cash--we just tend to put cash to use in different ways.

I've cooked up several absolutely delicious meals for my man--in fact, when I have more consistent internet access I mean to write up a cooking post, and probably put up a few of my recipes. My man certainly can't complain about the meals he's being served!

All in all it has been a perfectly wonderful week. As much as I love my jobs, I'm not looking forward to being away from my nest so much during the day! :-)